Tuesday, March 6, 2007


If you are not a parent, you can simply skip this entry because you will thankfully have no idea what I'm talking about. But if you are familiar with the toddler set and their tunes, keep reading...

Okay so my son, Gabriel, is digging on the Doodlebops these days. No accounting for taste. Dee Dee (the spastic gal in the piano skirt and scary pink Sandra Dee wig), Rooney (the unitard wearing he's-got-to-be-gay guy) and Moe (the Ronald McDonaldesque drummer) make up this rock group for the toddler set. Wide-eyed and overly cheery, they perform such memorable hits as "Cauliflower" and "Count to Ten." The Canadian trio have a show on the Playhouse Disney channel and are currently touring the country. It's the latter that brings me to my latest unsolicited advice.

Dear Doodlebops,

I recently caught your gig in Los Angeles. Yes, I said, Los Angeles. Not Ingelwood as you continuously referenced in your obligatory greetings to the audience. Despite the fact that you were performing at the Forum (more on that choice of venue later) in Ingelwood, California, the crowd was not from them there parts. As a native Angeleno, I've had my share of Forum concert experiences (mind you, the last one being in 1990). From Steven Tyler to Bryan Adams to Don Henley, never once have I been welcomed to Ingelwood. If only you Canucks had someone to help you out. A publicist? A manager? A director? That's the problem. I'm not sure anyone besides Bus Driver Bob (Was he even the real Bob?) came with you on this tour. You certainly didn't budget for a set decorator. I felt for you guys as you jumped on and off the cardboard bus huffing and puffing. And about that...what was with all the breaks? Didn't anyone remind you that three-year-olds have the attention span of, well, three-year-olds? Intermission is not an easily explained concept. I know you were sweaty and tired but those four Australian guys wiggle all over their stage for an hour and a half with no break. So I went there. I couldn't help myself. I never thought I'd say this but you've got to take some cues from The Wiggles. Even with a man down (we miss you, Greg), those guys (in their forties, by the way) can put on a pro show. When they ride out on stage each year at the Universal Ampitheatre in the big red car, it's exciting. They bring it. I was up on my feet dancing in the aisles. I admit it. Those guys can work it. I know they have a bigger budget and a better venue (note to booking agent - the Forum is so over, it's the day before yesterday), but there's more to their success. Watching you three strut your stuff on that pathetic stage, I realized why the Doodlebops have nothing on the Wiggles. Those Aussie guys get the joke. They are in on it. With every crazy "quack, quack, quack, quack, cock-a-doodle-do" dance move they do, it's as if they are simultaneously winking at us parents. They are laughing at us for buying into this crap, laughing all the way to the bank. They're saying, can you believe how lucky we are? Don't you wish you thought up a song called "Hot Potato" and the chutzpah to make it a hit? But, Doodlebops, you don't seem to be in on the same joke. You come across as serious thespians imagining you are doing serious work. But we can't take you serious in those costumes? Singing the Woobly Whoopsie? And we really can't take you seriously when you announce that you've had so much fun hanging out "with your friends in Ingelwood." Doodlebops, I've watched the Wiggles. I've seen them in concert. You, are no Wiggles. There's still time. GET NEW MANAGEMENT!