February 21, 2007
When you first came on the scene you told us that you wanted to run through the halls of your high school and scream at the top of your lungs. To us that meant that you were like all of us. High school was kind of awkward and lame and you were misunderstood there. The more we got to know you, we fell in love with you as the soulful, artsy guy who probably went unnoticed to the popular girls with untrained eyes. You were that guy who played guitar but didn't talk much. At least that's what we thought. But then came Jennifer Love Hewitt. Now I have nothing against her but for you, she just didn't seem right. Her body is definitely a "Wonderland" but she's so not the art girl. She's the rally girl, JM. And now, Jessica? I see what's going on. It's been years since high school and the popular girls, the Jessicas, can finally see that you are way hotter than any has been jock. You are enjoying the admiration and affection you should have had all those years back. Your buddies must be high-fiving like crazy over this match up. But John...we want you with a thinking man's girl. At least a girl who knows that Buffalo wings don't come from a Buffalo. Natalie Portman comes to mind. Scarlett Johansson would do. I hear Drew Barrymore's available. I know I don't really have the right to tell you who to date but since this is my blog, I'm doing it anyway. So here's one more piece of unsolicted advice, get out before Joe Simpson has you wearing a red cashmere sweater, singing Christmas Carols with Jessica for an ABC Holiday special. I know you think, "Not gonna happen." But the guy gets what he wants. So go ahead and you keep waiting for the world to change. But me, I'm waiting on you.
P.S. Continuum is amazing.
P.P.S. I would have dug you in high school!